The first Monday of May is anticipated world wide for the Met gala’s fashion parade. The Met holds the biggest collection of fashion over the ages, and each year hosts a charity ball with an exceptionally exclusive guest list, and a dress theme. The result is very similar to the Oscar’s red carpet except the opposite. The super exclusiveness of the guest list generally means you’ve never heard of them, but if you did know them you wouldn’t recognise them, as their outfits are designed to be stunning. To clarify, I mean stunning in the very literal meaning of the word stun, “to make senseless or dizzy by a blow”*

It’s fantastic. It’s truly a hypnotic if you’ve got a few hours to senselessly scroll and ask each rapper/influencer/early 00’s celebrity ‘why?’, ‘how?’, ‘did you have trouble understanding the premise of the theme?’, ‘why are so many of you wearing a swimming cap?’

Which brings us to the 2022 specialty coffee runway theme. Cool Uniform.

This year’s look is largely based on the primary school uniform in the shoulder seasons of Autumn and Spring. Here’s how we’ve manifested the theme:  

The Jumper Crew neck: navy, Pastel pink, olive green, black or white. Cotton blend with the school emblem (brand name) in the front top left corner.

The Shirt Also crew neck, similar colours, cotton blend, with your school emblem and motto (cafe name and a witty illustration) in large print on the back.

Shorts Navy blue, sturdy material, mid to low thigh (we’re talking late 80’s school short height, not the high and tight of the late 70’s, nor the long and loose of 90’s to 00’s). Preferably from Lowes.

Socks Pulled up to low or mid calf. Used in place of the tie to express individuality. Most colours and patterns are acceptable.

Shoes Black, soft leather, sensible shoes with arch support. Laces for those who can tie them, velcro for those still not past the bunny ears shoe tying method.

Hat There are two variations on the theme here. The first is the more traditional 5 panel cap with the school emblem on the front. The cap flap is optional but recommended. The other variation is the fisherman’s beanie which provides more warmth, but less sun protection.

Acceptable Accessories

Tattoos One on each calf of your sport house animal, like a phoenix or an owl.

Sunglasses Round and wire rimmed, for outdoor settings.

Backpack School issued, with wide padded straps, large compartment for notepads and coffee, front compartment for pencils, calculator, tamagotchi and lipbalm, side compartments for water bottle and reusable coffee cup. 

Moustache Since moving on from the Inspector Poirot moustaches a number of years ago, they should now cover the breadth of the upper lip with up to 5mm overhang either side, be well groomed, and no less than the width of your index finger.

We look forward to seeing how Primary School Cool get’s interpreted throughout the year! Will scungies come back? Only time will tell. But probably not due to safety standards and common sense.