LET’S GO TO COSTA RICA

I think, even though I’m feeling more optimistic about overseas travel happening again in my lifetime, I really want a holiday now. I know it doesn’t even begin to compare to the real thing, but they say that planning a holiday is 78% of the fun! I don’t know who ‘they’ are, but they sound like fools. Go balance a check book or something and leave the holidaying to us.

Let’s go on a virtual vacation to Costa Rica. Clearly I need one.

What to pack

• A pineapple
• Your laptop/smartphone
• Guaro (or cheap vodka)
• Tomato juice
• Tabasco
• A few limes
• Corn Chips
• Bean dip
• Corn
• A banana
• Coffee
• A book
• Binoculars
• A safari hat

Itinerary

Day One

Your virtual plane has landed and you’ve arrived at the bungalow. Put the pineapple (tinned in a pinch) on a table somewhere to set the mood. The bartender (you) mixologes you a chiliguaro. It’s made with their Guaro – their national drink made from sugarcane, but is nothing like rum and much like vodka – mixed with tomato juice, lime juice, and tabasco. This is necessary because it is well known that in order for virtual holidays to take effect, you need a drink that slaps you on both cheeks and makes your ears crackle. The recipe is for 6 non-lockdown servings with friends, or 1 lockdown serving with no friends. 

Now you’re ready for a sway under the hot, tree canopied evening sky. Spray your pot plant with water to get that leafy humid atmosphere.  Lower the needle on a Walter “Gavitt” Ferguson record and feel your ears melt away like butter. Or like a Calyppo in a beach carpark.

For dinner, the local soda (roadside eatery/your kitchen) is famous for its chifrijo and is muy delicioso. But depending on how many chiliguaro’s you’ve had, it may be wise to stay well clear of knives, in which case opening a jar of bean dip and a bag of corn chips is a perfectly acceptable substitute.

Have yourself another cocktail, maybe a pura vida? Seems to have many non on-hand ingredients, maybe just mix more guaro, lime and soda and call it a day.

Read a book, put the pineapple on your nightstand for tomorrow’s vibes and go to sleep. 

Day Two

Coffee! Costa Ricans are really, really great at producing coffee. You know this, we’ve featured them and their fruity sweet beans a bunch. They have jaguars and sloths on their coffee farms. Don’t worry, they’ve been carefully sifted out during the picking process so they don’t affect the flavour too much.  But do harness some big sloth energy and make yourself a plunger coffee. It’s the best for slow and steady vacation power.

Now your personal chef (you) is going to whip you up chorreadas, while you sit on your balcony (bring your laptop/smart device) and take in the beauty of the surrounds (open google earth). 

Last up on our itinerary is exploring the incredible ecological force of Costa Rica. Don your safari hat and step out into the splendiferous jungle right outside your bungalow (pop rainforest sounds into your ear buds and take a walk around the block). Breathe in the wet and steamy air. Hear the silent stealth of the three toed sloth, see the flash of the red eyed frog, or the flutter of the resplendent queztal (if you look here closely, you may even see the rare tapir!).

Thanks for coming! I hope you enjoyed thinking about travelling just as much as the real thing. I know I sure… hey, you drank shots and ate corn chips! There was a pineapple. 

I’m outta here. Pura vida guys!